Tourist spotting

Tourist spotting

An entertaining game I play when travelling is spotting the Tourist and guessing their home base

Recently in Europe I had ample opportunity to do so.

Here are the conclusions

The Parisian is chic. Always in very fashionable clothes stylish coiffure sometimes topped with outlandish headgear. And they’re always svelte and carry themselves with élan. They’re usually accessorised by a small dog, the weirder the better. As it was summer, they were wearing very little , but the little had great style.

And the designer ware was prominently displayed. The brands were omnipresent. An entire neighborhood in Paris has the headquarters and showrooms of every brand you’ve heard of and many you haven’t. I believe if a crocodile was spotted in the Rhine,  newspapers would say that Lacoste found swimming.

Italians are similar but better looking

The Spanish are less stylish but look like filmstars

The Germans are sporty looking, usually in outdoorsy clothes and hiking gear carrying rucksacks  and with short hair, though the women often have ponytails or two braids like little girls.

The Scandinavians are the same only in blonde hair

The French only have vowels and don’t pronounce the few consonants that they have, while the Germans only have consonants and their vowels are silent. My daughter says that the French have swallowed the German vowels.

Only the Americans and English have a section that is grossly overweight and wear unsuitable casuals with great swagger. They’re constantly drinking and sometimes wear cowboy hats and boots if Yankee and football colours if English, and have a beer can permanently clutched in their fists

There’s another section of English who are hardened travellers and dressed accordingly, often on bicycle , sometimes accompanied by large dogs.

The Koreans are overdressed and heavily made up and spend their time taking selfies and grooming themselves.

The Turks are overdressed but look like Bollywood stars.

The Arabs are the same in hijab.

The Japanese travel in groups and photograph everything, politely bowing to everyone and eating only in Japanese restaurants.

The Indians are the most overdressed, inevitably inappropriately, and grossly overweight. They are the loudest and except for the honeymooning couples, travel in large groups of families and friends.

The group tours are either geriatric Americans, or Chinese or Japanese of indeterminate ages or Indians ranging from elderly grandparents to wailing toddlers. If they’re Punjabi you also have the loud laughter and drunk uncles.

Bangladeshis are equally valuable and travel in families but are never from the subcontinent, but immigrants from USA or UK.

Among Indians from the subcontinent , you can make out who has purchasing power and the travel bug. You can hear Gujrati Marathi and Punjabi being spoken. They eat in Indian restaurants, often specially catering to large groups, and the Gujratis carry their own food.

Then there’s another category, the studious techie showing his parents Europe. The proud and flustered parents are generally middle class people from small towns and are awestruck with everything and really glad to meet fellow Indians and brag about the offsprings. They are usually from the south, or a rare bong.

Bangladeshis, Srilankan Tamils and Pakistanis abound, but not as tourists, but as waiters and salesmen serving the tourists, and speaking Bangla ,Punjabi or Tamil gets you excellent service.

Then there are the honeymooning couples from our subcontinent. Carrying unbelievable amounts of luggage, looking lost, desperately trying to impress the partners they’ve barely met but will have to spend a lifetime with, dressed up like dolls, uncomfortably trying to take pictures of intimate moments. My heart went out to the poor souls, and the parents who had to foot the bill.

Soumya